As you may have noticed, I didn’t hide it at all and I was pretty proud of it, back in Oktober I won the Kachen Blog Award for best food blog, main sponsor. Of course when you are nominated for an award, you hope to win it, but I never thought that I would actually win that thing. I remember talking to my friend during the ceremony, when they introduced the award for best food blog, main sponsor which was Cactus, all my hopes to win where already dead. I was more concearned of my pregnant friend with her high heels how she even managed to stand with those shoes, when I heard my name. I looked on the screen and saw a picture of myself. I won that thing! I remember walking on stage with the biggest smile. I will never forget that moment!
Let me check my planner to see what happened this year. Lots of traveling and exciting changes on the blog. But also grief and the feeling of insecurity. 2017 got to an end so quickly, the older I get, the faster time passes and by saying this I really sound super old. Actually when are you considered old? I am 33 now and I really, really don’t consider myself as old. And I’m not! I can prove it, my skin can prove it! I haven’t one single wrinkle yet. Okay, yes, I am not skinny and skinny people get wrinkles sooner, but who cares! I have to admit that the capacity of my liver to break down the alcohol is more limited than it was some years ago as student but if I only drink champagne it works. Good enough for me!
In the year 2000 I was 16 years old and life sucked. Because I failed maths, I had to repeat a year with a bunch of students I only knew by sight and it was extremely hard for me to get to know new people and habits. I cried for three month until Christmas until I got used to the new situation. Who knew that I would meet my dearest friends in that class and that 17 years after this, my whole circle of friends, would be based on those new friendships. It turns out that I was wrong about a lot of stuff and that things happened differently as I imagined. I made a list of things I would tell my 16-year-old self if I could.
Last Thursday I started my 14 days of detox. I wanted to do it because my husband went on a bike tour through Denmark, still weird to call him “my husband” even after two years of marriage, I never really got used to it, and I assumed he would drop some weight. So I wanted to drop weight too and also because my tummy is way too fat and I don’t like it.
The detox basically consists in:
According to the title of my blog post you may think that I’m about to tell you what happened the night I had sex for the first time, but I won’t. That night wasn’t the night I became an adult. I was probably older than the average but still not an adult. I am about to write down what happend and how I felt when my father suddenly died overnight.
One year ago Carlos died. Flushed in the toilet. Carlos is not a gold-fish, Carlos was my embryo of six weeks. I might sound very raw to you when you read this, but reality is raw. These things happen in life but it’s not a topic you talk about for small talk. I know I won’t change the way people think about this taboo, but maybe some women that had the same experience will feel understood an at least I can put this behind myself. I’m not sad anymore. Why did I call him Carlos? With my husband we decided that if we would have a baby we would give him the name Charel or Charlotte. But since the embryo died, it wasn’t the real Charel/Charlotte so my friend named him Carlos, to talk about him more easily.